Talking Turkey:
In Search of a Satisfying (and Satisfied) Holiday Bird
Dr. Doolittle could do bang-up business as a therapist to troubled
farm animals if he were around today. In the case of industrially-bred
turkeys, however, Dr. Ruth might be better qualified to resolve the
bird's most worrisome psychological problem: sexual frustration.
Factory farm turkey breeders have been so "successful" in their quest
for meaty perfection that they've produced a bird (the white, broad
breasted Holland turkey) that can't breed on its own because of its
large, cumbersome breast. And if you think this bird's awkward at sex,
you should see him walk. It's clear that the Turkey Trot was not
named after this fella.
So what can you as an enlightened eater do? You can shop for a
turkey that was allowed to do all the things that come naturally to
turkeys without experiencing any of the unnatural things (cramped
conditions, use of genetically modified feeds, overuse of antibiotics,
etc.) that are the hallmark of factory farming.
As a general rule, you should be looking for a bird that has been raised as naturally and locally as possible. The best case scenario would a free-range organic bird coming from a small local producer. 
"With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping & Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District. He is therefore by no means a proper Emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the King birds from our Country....
"I am on this account not displeased that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America... He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on."
--Benjamin Franklin, in a letter to his daughter
A frustrated champion
This Tom's hot to trot
Everything You Ever Wanted
to Know About Turkey
(and a few things you didn't)
The resources below will help you find your way through the different choices available in your area. We kitchen gardeners know that part of the joy of eating is knowing where our food comes from and how it was produced. By buying a natural turkey, we're not only fighting for the sexual liberation of turkeys worldwide (a noble cause in its own right), but freeing ourselves from an industrial food system that prioritizes profits over pleasure and adulteration over authenticity. In short, we're voting with our forks for a better food system. And if that isn't talking turkey, I don't know what is.
"For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him.
